Rubin family audio correspondence - Letters to and from Larry Rubin and parents
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| Larry Rubin: From the world inside to the world outside. It’s now early Sunday morning, and I’m in a room on top of the library. I borrowed the school’s tape recorder, and I thought this would be a better idea this week than sending a letter because I said I would do it and you’d have this thing and play it a few times. The tape was more expensive than what I thought it was. It cost a dollar-fifty. I thought it cost about sixty-five cents. So I won’t be able to send a tape every week because it’s too expensive but I have an idea. In fact, I would like you to do this; it’d be a very good idea. You could listen to this tape—take it—listen to it a few times and then record yourselves right on it and then send it back to me and I could play it here. We could keep sending this tape back and forth to keep recording and erasing, and it could be a lot of fun ‘cause we could keep hearing each other like that. It would be cheaper than phone calls, and we could do it once a week. If I send it at the beginning of the week it should get it there at the end of the week. | 0:00 | |
| Well things are pretty busy around here. Right now I’m working on three papers and I finished the paper I was working on at home, now I’m working on a—on three papers: I’m working on a paper in racial and cultural minorities. I am working on the black nationalists. This is a big term paper. The black nationalists are a faction within the Negro community within the United States that are Negro-chauvinists: some factions want to kill all the whites; some want to secede and form a new country; some just want to live side-by-side but they still think they’re better. It’s a reaction against the white oppression that the Negros have had for years. I’m doing a paper on that; I’m doing a paper at present on their religion. I’m not sure what it’s going to be on yet, but it’s going to be a ten-page paper on the Judaic-Christian religions. I have to decide. Third paper’s for Pscyh. I’m not sure what I’m going to do for that either, but that’s got to be in by Friday, so I’ll decide pretty soon. | ||
| Other than that—extracurricularly—boy, I’ve been very busy. I got kind-of-an honor yesterday. I was chosen to be in a panel in front of the whole school. I was chosen—among the freshmen to be on a panel about mixed halls. That’s next quarter. They’re thinking—rather next year—they’re thinking about having upperclassmen and freshmen—that’s mixed halls, not boys and girls—living in the same halls. The way it is now there’s freshmen halls and there’s upper-class halls. And I’m for this, and the administration is for this too and this panel is to try to persuade the community-at-large that mixed halls are a good thing. So I’m going to talk on the benefits that it would give to a freshmen to have mixed halls—also a few other things, whatever comes to my mind. It’s a very informal panel. | 2:41 | |
| Also, we’re—I’m working with the NAACP. We had a big meeting recently about an action that’s planned in—for the next year in Springfield, Ohio. That’s about twenty miles away from here, and the action is going to be to try to desegregate the bowling allies. You see there’s a state law in Ohio against discrimination in any public place. So any place that you can prove discriminates, you can bring a criminal case against them. Like the school did it this year—rather last year they did it at a barbersh—to a barbershop in town called Gegner’s That barbershop is—that barber was brought before a district court here, and found guilty, and fined, and now he’s appealing the case. | ||
| But anyway, this case in the bowling alley is going to be in Springfield, and it’s the NAA- in Springfield who’s doing it actually, and were going to help them. First they’re going to send letters to the places asking them outright whether they discriminate. If they say they don’t, that they’re following the law, that’s okay. If they say they do discriminate, or—what will probably happen—if they don’t answer the letter, or if they give a run-around answer, that’s where we come in, and we’re going to go there—were going to go to the five bowling alleys, rather, in Springfield in groups of six: two—two colored—two colored people in each group, and two groups of two white people. The two white kids are going to go in first and ask for an alley to bowl, and they’ll probably be getting it. Then the two Negroes are going to go in and ask for an alley—of bowling, and if they get it, it’s okay. If they don’t, they ask why, and they’ll probably be given an answer like, well, it’s reserved or you’ve got to be a member or something. Then they’ll leave. Then the next two white kids will come in and they’ll ask for an alley. If they’re granted an alley, we have a case against the owners of the bowling alley. Don’t tell anybody about this because it’s supposed to be secret. I guess it’s okay because you’re in Philadelphia and it will take you some time to contact the FBI here. So by the time you able to, it will probably be over with. But mother, don’t tell your customers about it, whatever you do, because whatever you tell them is sure to get back and it will ruin the whole thing. The idea of it is supposed to be a surprise attack on the bowling alleys. | 4:45 | |
| Other than these two things, I’m pretty active and [unsure] to everybody, and—in social life, I have a pretty [unsure] social life, and everything’s coming fine. I’m still very happy here. I’m busy. I’m doing a lot of work. They have this new thing now: they’re planning courses ahead of time, this year. Last year, we had to plan courses just two days before the quarter started. Now they have us planning them right now. So, we’ve written out a tentative plan for courses, and so far, next quarter, I’m taking Psychology 2. I’m taking this because if I ever plan to major in Psych, I’ll need this course—so I might as well get it over with now. I don’t know if I’m going to major in Psychology or not but it’s a good course to have. I’m also taking a course called “The Development of Atomic Concepts and Theory.” This is a course for people who need credits in a physical science area but don’t like physical science. It’s a—it’s a very interesting course; it’s very un-technical too. It’s a more-or-less philosophy of physics course. The guy that teaches it has a pretty interesting background. He was one of the teachers that was investigated when the Senate or House Un-American Committee came here. His name is Oliver Loud, and he’s still around, although he was investigated, and he’s very popular among the kids. He’s supposed to be one of the best teachers in the school so that should be pretty good. The third course I’m taking—I want to take something in Political Science to see whether I like it, to see whether it might be a possible major. I’m not sure if I even like the field or not. I have my choice of one of two courses to take: one is called “Introduction to Political Science” and one is called “Politics in Society.” I’m going to talk to the teacher—there’s one teacher who teaches both—I’m going to talk to him tomorrow and see what he thinks I should do, then decide. Also I’m taking a minor—[unsure]—I’m taking a minor called “Workshop in Reading and Studying.” This is supposed to be for people that need help in reading faster or concentrating when they study. And it’s supposed—the teacher tries to help each person—goes into each person’s psychological difficulties as far as reading and studying goes, so I hope that should help me. It’s—you get credit for it too; you get one credit and it meets one day a week. | 0:00 | |
| Let’s see. This is a half-an-hour tape. I don’t want to waste it. I’m going to keep trying to think of things to say. | 6:32 | |
| Oh—about the Cuban deal. It’s still on; everything’s okay. You know what happened on Friday. The government officially called, or condemned, or acknowledged Cuba as a communist-captive nation. This is an excuse for the government to give money to the Cuban refugees. There are million—millions of Cubans that are going to escape Castro’s tyranny and come over here, so they’ll need help and the government wants to give it to them, and they can do this only if they call Cuba nasty words, so that’s what they’re going to do. However, we still have an ambassador in Cuba. There’s still the American embassy there, and it’s still legal to go. It’s not like Red China where it’s illegal. It’s nothing like that. Anybody can go that wants to. Of course the government isn’t overjoyed in anybody going, but you can still do it and we are. I thought about it pretty much, and I’ve decided that I’ll keep my name on the list until it becomes illegal to go, or until we invade Cuba or something. When this happens, I’ll have to think about it, but right now everything’s fine and the trip is still on. We’re keeping our ears pretty—pretty much to the ground though, as far as Cuba. I don’t know about the dates yet, so I’m not going to make any plane reservations or anything like that. But as soon as I know, I’ll contact you, and I’ll contact the planes, and I’ll fly home by Superman if you want me to, but I won’t do anything until I know for sure about the dates. | ||
| Like I said I borrowed—I’m sitting in the library here. They’re very nice about these things, they let you borrow everything. The weather has been find. Kind of cloudy today, yesterday was pretty warm. | 11:37 | |
| How’s the family? How’s Philadelphia? The Grandmother’s okay? Grandma Pauline okay? Grandma Pauline always asks me what I eat for supper, so for her benefit, I’m going to tell her. Last night I had chicken, and dressing, and peas, and apple cider, and milk, and—oh for an entrée I had fruit cocktail, and for dessert I had cake and ice cream of some sorts. They have very good food here and they feed us constantly and I’m eating pretty good. I got the prescription filled out for the pills, and I’ve been taking them. I don’t know what they’re supposed to do, so I don’t know if they’re doing it or not. But I don’t feel any worse for taking them, so I’ll—I’ll take them blindly and I just wait around for effects to happen. The druggist said they were hormones, they weren’t vitamins, they were hormones or something, and he doesn’t know what they’re supposed to do either, but he said they were pretty good and everybody gets them so I got them. | ||
| Is Grandma Rubin okay? Give her my regards. Look, when you send back the tape, have everybody—not only yourselves say something. I mean, maybe the customers will want to say a few words, ask me a few stupid questions. Grandma Pauline and Rubin I would like to hear. Oh tell Grandma Pauline that I’m sorry I didn’t get to see Grandpa when I was in Philly, but she saw how busy we were when we’re—that night driving by her house, and give Grandpa my regards, telling him—tell him I’m thinking of him, and next time I’m in I’ll stop in and visit them, after I come home from Cuba. I hope Aunt [Cena]—I hope her troubles are lessening. I hope Mark is happy in his new, old boy scout group. He joined—rejoined one that, you know, he quit before. I hope things are generally okay. Give everybody my regards. Have you heard—oh have you called Tom [Barten] yet? You know he’s a pretty nice guy and he could have pretty long discussions with [[unsure]], and I think he would be very glad to come over and eat supper with you. I think he would like that. He’s new in Philly, I mean he know a lot of people here but he’s still new in town and I guess the more people you know in a city you are working in the better off it is. I asked [Elyse], that’s Tom’s girlfriend, and she said that he would like that very much. | 13:20 | |
| I’m coming to the end of the tape now—end of this side of the tape rather. So pretty soon it’s going to be over and I’m going to end this side. I don’t know which side you’re running, whether you’re going to the right or the left, but whichever side it is, switch it to the other side, so go around to the opposite side and you’ll hear the other side. I’ll mark on the reel which side you should run first. I’ll try to figure it out, but in any case, switch to the other side. Don’t forget, so you can get to the other side. The tape is getting—its longer than what I thought it was, there’ still some left. It’s going, it’s going, it’s going, I have two winds to go. Their cutting me off. Turn it over. Quick. Help. Turn it over. Turn it over. | 15:09 | |
| [End of Side One] | ||
| Aaron Rubin (AR): [[Unsure]] the help. But, I don’t know, but maybe now I got something right. I hope so. We have an awful lot to tell you, and if we’re lucky we’ll be able to get it all on one tape. Alright. Now, I’m going to stop now and play back if I’m—If I’m working. Hold on. | 16:10 | |
| Alright, so I’m in tune now, I hope. Boy, oh boy. Well look, so let’s get on with news. I want to tell you first of all about the meeting we went to at that Camp Larchwood, and really and truly it’s an education in itself to see how all these people behave when they’re faced with just a little bit of obstacles. I—I mean it’s so disappointing that these people you looked up to for so many years, and when you really examine what they do, it makes you a little bit ashamed that—makes you a little bit ashamed that—you know, you didn’t detect these things earlier. Well, to tell you a little bit about the meeting—you know it was a long meeting, but the main thing is that most of the people there, “our people,”—in quotation marks—but they seemed to be more interested in finding fault with [Bela Wolfe?], and one guy particularly, he just tore him apart and that was really so uncalled for. This guy lost so much money there and people still complaining about him, and it was terrible. I mean the—later on, I found out what the whole—what caused him to do this. The fellow who ran the—what was the name of that camp out in Ohio? | ||
| Leona Rubin (LeR): [inaudible] | ||
| AR: Oh, Circle Pines. I don’t know how—alright? Circle Pines. So he gave up the camp this year, and he’s in Philadelphia ‘cause he’s a Philadephian. So it seems to me that some of these people were trying to get [Bela] out and give the big present to this guy Rasmussen, but the---you know, if he was an experienced guy, he wouldn’t handle that thing with a—a hundred foot pole, but they don’t know it, you know. They think that they got something there that, if the guy knew how, he could make thousands and thousands of dollars, but—I’m sure that guy won’t even be interested in touching the thing, because anybody who know anything about the camp knows that it’s a good way to lose your pants in a hurry. | ||
| So that was one thing. So, you know, I don’t know whether you know that [Bela’s] going to try to make it into a children’s camp, because he got the certification from the American Camping Association. So I, I’ve—to me it seems that the guy’s chasing rainbows, but I just hope it turns out alright, and as far as the adults go, he hopes to fill up the place with kids and won’t have any room for adults, but if there is room, then he’ll let—permit adults to come. So here’s hoping. I—I don’t know what to hope for: whether he should be so successful and there won’t be any room for us, or that he should fail and there’ll be room for us, but that would be the last time, ‘cause I think that if he doesn’t make it this year, I think they’ll give the camp away either to the Quakers, or the Salvation Army, or the boy scouts, or some—something. I don’t think they’ll hold on to it now because it’s costing the organization too much money that they haven’t reserved. | 19:19 | |
| Last Saturday we went to Sholem Aleichem Club to have a Hanukkah party. We saw several of the young people that you know, like that genius down the hill? What, Weiss? What, Ivan? Ian Weiss? Ivan, Ivan Weiss? So, evidently, he’s not too much of a genius anymore because he’s got his application into St. Jo’s, and, you know, anybody—if you can’t get to St. Jo’s, they’ll come and carry you there. So, I mean, I don’t know. It’s alright. I mean he’s a fine looking young boy, but, maybe he’ll go to Penn State too, he’s got his application in there. | ||
| But you know it’s two very difficult places to get to. You know, if the train stops running and you don’t have a car, it’s kind of hard, but outside of that, it’s—you can get to them. Well, that sounds—that don’t sound good. No, well I just wanted to point out that the kid evidently didn’t keep up the—he started off with a tremendous growth, mental growth rate, and somewheres along the line it slowed down a little bit, and maybe it went back. I—I just don’t know. I don’t know anything about these cases. | 21:26 | |
| And we talked to Clair and her husband, Walt, and they’re having and awful lot of trouble with Susan, and she’s a—a pretty much of a disturbed child, and they don’t know what to do about it, and they tried outside help, and that didn’t seem to do her any good, and it’s a—really and truly it’s such a pity for the girl. I mean, she doesn’t have any looks, and no kind of figure, and she doesn’t have anything feminine about her, or very much feminine about her, and somewheres along the line she went off—somewheres, I don’t know. It’s—it’s one of these tragic things, that something that should not have happened, and the girl is very, very unhappily. She wants to get away from the house, and causing her parents an awful lot of unhappiness, and this—this is a terrible thing. I mean, to get any kind of psychiatric care or treatment, it’s an arm and a leg, and there must be hundreds and thousands of children like this among people we know, among—in the community such as ours, but I just hope everything turns out alright. In that case there’s nothing that—I wouldn’t even volunteer to help in a case like that, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I just hope that they’re smart enough to—to do something with the girl before she really goes off the deep end. | ||
| Well—oh this, this party I was telling you about, the Sholem Aleichem party—Lefty Schneiderman is a—became a real whip, and he had us all roaring. He really is a whip I mean, everything that comes up, he knows exactly what to say, just put in the proper line at the proper time, and he’s really well liked. | 24:02 | |
| Now—oh yeah. You know on, on the first time I started up about this snow storm that we just—that just came through. This is something that you’ve never seen in Philadelphia before. The snow is higher than the front wheels of the automobiles, and we here on [[unsure]] Street are absolutely snowed in. Sunday night, it—Sunday afternoon it started to snow, and I ran and put chains on, and it snowed Sunday all night long, and when we woke up this morning, there’s about eighteen inches of snow, and where it drifted its—it—some places the—it covers the whole radiator of the cars. A few guys have tried to make it but, they—boy it’s been murder just to go around the block. I didn’t even have my car out of the garage. I didn’t go to work, and there was no deliveries, bread or milk. Most of the stores are closed because the people who own them can’t get to them to open them up—to open up the stores, and all of the deliveries have stopped. It’s been murder, and I—there’s no relief in sight. It’s cold and very, very windy, and well I—we’re warm and snug. You know you go to be thankful. I guess we’ll come through alright. You know after all, this is America, you know, people went across, a count of still the wagons, you know? They went through snow, so, on [[unsure]] Street I guess we’ll live with, with a little bit of snow around. And—[inaudible] | ||
| LeR: Oh, it’s me now. I don’t know what to say. [laughter] I’m not as good a talker as your daddy. Well anyway, we’re only going to play one side of this because it says 600 feet on one side, and yours was 300 feet. So we’re afraid to turn it over because we don’t know whether it will work. So, we’ll just talk to the end of the reel and that’s it. Let me see. First of all I want to tell you, we saw a television program once I think you would be interested in. It’s—it was from the Child Guidance Foundation. It’s a charity organization, and they were asking for people send money to: Children, Box 1000, Washington, DC, and I guess they have psychologists and psychiatrists and everything to help problem children. Maybe you can get a job there sometime in one of your work periods. It sounds like you would like that. Daddy told you some of the things I was going to tell you—about | 26:40 | |
| Susan [Cosgrove] for one thing. She has been going to Dr. [Doris Willy] for a year and a half and it hasn’t helped her—and she told the doctor that she didn’t think it was helping her, so the doctor said, well she might as well stop. So Susan said, does that mean I’m hopeless? And the doctor said, no but if I’m not doing any good—stop coming. So Clair really doesn’t know what to do with her. This all took place at the Sholem Aleichem meeting. I found out some more news. Your friend Sam [Rotenberg] goes to Penn State—his parents were there and I was talking to his mother—and he’s in the hospital there at Penn State. He—he might have mononucleosis. In the meantime, he’s resting in the hospital and his mother hopes they’ll let him out for his exams. Another thing I found out was about the [Nolmens]. Max and [[unsure]] are going to Cuba for Christmas. I heard he was going on business, although I don’t know what kind of business it is, but they’ll be in Cuba at that time, same time you will. So maybe you’ll see them. | 28:26 | |
| Let’s see, about that meeting. The—daddy was telling you about Lefty. See they had a quiz program that was called [[unsure]]. | ||
| It’s a takeoff on Groucho Marx’s program. So Lefty was one of the contestants, and they asked him what he does for a living and he says—he’s a space research. So they asked him: ah that sounds kind of important, what does he do; and he says, well—he—oh, well when he goes on a bus he looks for space to sit down, and he opens doors to see if there’s space to put things, and—oh, and they said: well, gee, you don’t have to have much education for that, you don’t have to go to school for that. He said: oh yes, I—I had to go to school for that. I took up space for twelve years in school. So, we all thought that was very funny. And—there was a lot of teenagers there, it was a Hanukkah party, so everybody could bring their children, and there were some real good-looking girls. One was a real beauty: Sue Rosenfeld. Her father and mother are members. She’s sixteen and she’s really gorgeous. Well these—they had four of these girls who were part of the act in the quiz show. They did the commercial—something about [[unsure]], and they would come in with songs and dances and so forth. Supposed to be the commercial. Wasn’t too funny, but it was cute that the girls did it. They were dressed as beatniks with big sweaters and dungarees. One of them had a sweatshirt with Antioch on it. Her sister—I guess her sister is Gwen Katz. She does Antioch. That’s why she had that shirt. | 30:31 | |
| Let’s see. Another piece of news. [Sadie and Jules Abercoffe] are having a lot of trouble. Their daughter-in-law, Ester, who has three little girls, had a nervous breakdown, and she was in the hospital, and the old people have to take care of the little children and this is their busy season now. You know, they’re in the jewelry business and they, they work seven days a week—day and night, and they have to take care of the kids besides. So, they’re really having [[unsure]]. | 33:06 | |
| I was going to tell you more about Camp Alpine, about that meeting we went to. The way I see it there’s two factions. The younger faction thinks that the Germans are anti-Semitic, anti-Negro, and anti-Communist, and there—there’s very bad feeling there. I don’t know whether they’re right or not. And the Germans are—well, the Germans do seem to be anti-Communist because, at the end of the meeting, [Bela Wolfe] said to a few people that he would rather give the camp to the Salvation Army than to the communists. So, both factions do their best to misunderstand each other. I really don’t know whose right. Of course, we sympathize with anybody that tries to make a go of the camp because we know how hard it is for them. [Bela Wolfe] lost a lot of money, and now the only solution he sees is to make it a children’s camp, by getting a hundred children there a week—a hundred campers there for the season, but you know how hard it is to get a hundred campers, and we don’t see how he’s going to do it at all. His wife was crying, they lost so much money and they have very little money left, and he’ll probably lose the rest of it this season. But [Bela] seems determined to go ahead with it. [Bela] said that—of course, see the campers are going to sleep in dormitories not in tents. Or he’ll put the dormitories in the cabins, and if there’s any available space, then the members can come for the weekend. If there’s any space for them. Of course, we think there, there will be because we don’t see how they can get that many campers. But he says it in such a way that antagonizes people, because he says it will be up to him who stays there, and, and—see the, the other people feel un—unwelcome. And they said they’ve always felt unwelcome. And they don’t want to go there anymore. They, they said, they, they liked to go before to see their friends and so forth, and no one will be allowed to come now except the, the members. So, its, its really a bad situation. | 33:46 | |
| Well we’ll, we’ll tell you more about the camp when we see you. Daddy wants to talk now, so I’ll sign off, and maybe I’ll chime in with him at the end. Here you are. | 37:16 | |
| AR: Hello again, Larry, boy. I, I meant to tell you that this fellow Barton, Tom. We finally wrote him a letter because we tried to get him Saturday and he wasn’t—the office was closed, and we tried to get him today, and I guess nobody could get into town, so we started to write him a letter asking him to call us. So we’ll see. So far the mail trucks aren’t running even, so. It might be a while before he gets the letter. | ||
| I wanted to talk a little bit about the trip that you’re going to take. I mean I would be lying if I said I wasn’t very much concerned. I just hope that the boys who are driving you down to the airport are careful drivers to Miami. You know I, I will be worried about that. You put teenagers, a whole bunch of them in a car and there might be a tendency to show off and prove how good they can drive and all that. I just hope that these boys aren’t like that. | ||
| LeR: [inaudible] | 38:47 | |
| AR: Yeah. Yeah, well I just hope that the are sensible about it: they leave in time so they don’t have to rush; and drive carefully and arrive safely; and have an educational experience and come back sound and healthy, with no fuss and muss, but I must say that—you know, anything you do is a concern. Maybe if somebody else’s boy went down there I’d say, boy he’s lucky, you know, but, as long as it’s my boy, I feel a little, or I feel a whole lot of concern. So, just do what you can, Larry, to make sure everything goes alright. I know if you drive, you’d drive carefully. And make sure nobody drives when they’re tired, and just—you tell them to leave in time so they can make it without overextending anybody. You see? Because even when you switch drivers, the guys don’t sleep, so by the time it’s their chance to drive, they’re tired just as much as the guy who’s been driving. So, you know, you’ve got to be careful about these things. And I sure you’ll be able to set it up so it’ll be alright. | ||
| And then it’s a worry and a concern about the plane trip and they—[laugh] I was going to suggest that the guys ta—swim over in relays. It be a lot—a lot better. You won’t have any repercussions from the Mr. State Department, but I guess its just as well, because—I gu, I guess your mother told you that this fellow we know is going over there with his wife, and I’m sure he wouldn’t go if it wasn’t alright. So, just be careful, Larry. You know what I mean about being careful: don’t take any unnecessary chances, do what you’re told, and just stay out of trouble and don’t, don’t show off or anything, and I’m sure you’ll come back and be glad you had a wonderful experience. | 40:19 | |
| But now, there’s little else that I can say, so I’m going to stop the machine for a minute. Hold on, Larry. | 41:12 | |
| Oh, now that the tape is getting shorter and shorter, I want to make—if you’ll don’t mind me making a few comments about the recording that you sent us. This business of, of your moods and so forth, it’s a perfectly normal thing, and the fact that you’re conscious of it, and that you going to take steps to correct it—I mean it’s a very difficult thing to try to control your emotions, but as long as you’re conscious of it, I’m sure that you’ll be able to salvage things. As long as you admit to yourself what is wrong, then you are on your way to getting rid of a [[unsure]] mental or a spiritual burden that could become very, very weighty, but—in the course of your life time. So, so don’t be disturbed about it, that you react a certain way. Other people react other ways, and you react this way, and—of course it’s better if a guy don’t feel things too deeply. These seem to be the happiest people around: the guy that doesn’t care too much or is concerned to much or always lives in the present. | ||
| I mean, but I know I can’t be that way, and most of the people aren’t that way, although there are a few lucky ones that are, and they have—I guess they have most of the fun, but being alive and accomplishing something worthwhile in your lifetime isn’t a matter of fun. It’s—there’s so much more than just having fun or fee—or feeling at ease. It’s good if you can do this, but its—there’s more to living than just, you know, feeling relaxed all the time. Although, it’s a good thing. I wish, I wish I were like that, although I’m more relaxed—I think I am—than I was when I was your age, or even a few years ago, when I’m more sure of myself. I, I seem to know what I want. Whether I can get it or not, that’s another point, but at least at this late date I have definite things in mind that I know will bring me happiness and contentment. And that’s, in that way, I guess that’s being grown up—adult—and some people can become adult when their fifteen, and other people, it takes a lot longer. I know with many respects it took me longer than what the average guy takes. Maybe it’s because we expect more or want to do more or we feel more than the ordinary person. | 43:02 | |
| But—like I say, I was—I wasn’t happy to hear that you have these problems, but I, I was very gratified that you’re conscious of these things, and I, I know that you could solve them. I mean the you don’t have to—nobody has to keep running to a psychiatrist or a psychologist or anything else. Just normal living, and your field now, college, you’ll find plenty of people there with the same kind of problems. I mean if they’re not the, the same problems, but they’ll be similar problems that, that people have, and you help each other, and if you have good friends that you can talk—talk about them, that also helps too. Even though the people you talk to may not know more than you. Just verbalizing these things help a lot, and just, just don’t be too concerned about them that—it’s not the end of the world and I know that you’re going to come out alright. I mean, it’s been a long, long time since you spoke to us as much as you did on that tape, and I’m glad that you’re able to talk to us about these things because many, many times you were very reluctant to tell us anything that bothered you—expect at two o’clock in the morning, you know, when I had to get up at six. That, that was—seem to be your favorite time, but I’m glad you’re able to do this in the broad daylight. It’s a big help. | 45:02 | |
| So I, I’m watching the tape. I’m afraid to get started on another line of thought, and—so, so if I’m just rambling so you’ll know that the tape is running out, that I’m trying to find a few things to say, that I can say quickly. I guess I can—oh yeah, we go a Theodore Bikel record, with all Yiddish songs, and—real old, old Jewish songs that I heard a thousand times, and he, he plays and sings—sings them so well. I mean, just with a real flavor of a—Jewish flavor that really is a wonderful record and I’m glad we got it. | ||
| We, we played it last night, although you’re mother complained that she didn’t understand them, but its—he sings in very good Yiddish, and anybody who understands a little bit of Yiddish will immediately recognize all these old songs that have been sung over and over again, and [voice fades out]. | 47:49 |
| Aaron Rubin: Hello Larry, dear. It was so good to get your tape, and it was really wonderful, wonderful to listen to it, and to learn a lot form what you told us about where you are. Even though the disappointing news was there, still over all, it was so good to hear you bright and cheerful and happy that both of us felt so wonderful listening to you. Me—this is very awkward for me to talk to a microphone and what I would like to say to you, I don’t know whether I will be able to do it effectively because I feel very, very clumsy at this, and I don’t know how things are going to work out us talking like this to you, but I’ll do my best and I hope that I’ll be able to make myself understood, because with all this mechanism in front of me, it puts me on edge a little bit, and I’m always afraid what I want to say won’t come through good, but we’ll see, dear, we’ll see. | 0:00 | |
| First place, dear, like I said before, I’m very happy that you’re happy where you are, and I’m very happy that you feel you are doing something that you want to do, and this is the main thing: as long as you are out of physical danger, and as long as nobody is going to molest you or harm you, then I’m happy. I guess I can say the same thing for your mother about that. And I do wish, though that you had chosen a different type of work but, well, that’s water over the dam or water under the bridge, I don’t know—I don’t know which one applies here. | ||
| Now look, dear, there’s so many things I have to say, and I do—I was looking forward to talking to you face-to-face, man-to-man, so I can hear your response and see how you feel about these things that I’m going to bring up, and, believe me, it’s not very pleasant for me to do this, especially under these circumstances; and, like I said before, please forgive me if I don’t through or I hit the wrong note under your present circumstances, but I’m trying to do the best I can under very, very awkward set of circumstance for me. Now, I, I think the biggest problem we have, or you have, dear, is with your writing, dear. I—you tell me from your tape that you are licking the thing, but I really hope you do because I feel that this is the one drawback that’s holding you back, and I feel you would accomplish a lot more in every which way if you could over come this mishegas, or neurosis or whatever it is about your writing, and I, I was seriously thinking, when I would speak with you to ask you about the advisability of getting help with this thing at school. I don’t know whether it could be done, or they have people there but I, I’m sure that there must be other students with this same problem. Like I say, I do hope that down where you are you have beaten it completely and that there won’t be such a burden—won’t be such a monkey on you back for writing your reports and everything else. I mean, even though you tell me that, that, you know you’re licking it—your beating it—but still that you don’t write to anybody or anything, and I know it’s not because you don’t want to, but, its just this business of being so tough to sit down before a piece of paper and fill it up with words, and my solution, as much as I know about the problem would be for you to ask for help at the school and to stay at school until you have beaten this thing down until it no longer presents a problem to you. | 2:21 | |
| And, I feel it should be done at the very first opportunity, Larry. I, I hope you don’t delay it. That even if you feel that you have beaten it yourself you should get some help with it, because, thinking back now over the years, I can see where this thing was growing, growing, growing, and I didn’t realize at first the nature of it, and if you can beat it yourself, wonderful, but if not, dear, please get some help on it and solve this thing, and even if takes more than three months, make arrangements to stay at Antioch ‘till you have completed whatever you have to do to rid yourself of this problem, because you don’t want to carry it with you because it will hamper you no matter what field you want to enter in; and I don’t want you to make any decisions with this problem, and knowing that the decision might be based on the fact that you don’t have to face this problem. Do I make myself clear, dear? I mean, it’s, it’s a—I don’t think it’s a very common thing, but I’m sure that other people have, have this same problem, and get, get help on it, dear, and it will help you so much. It will make—maybe make school life and school work so much more pleasant, the way it should be, and not the—not a thing that makes you upset and cranky and everything else. | 5:21 | |
| And while I’m at it, dear, I, I do hope that when you get back to school, darling, that you eliminate these ac—outside activities, and concentrate more on you school work with the help that I hope you get—you’ll be able to be prepared to enter into any graduate school that you choose, and I do what you to go to graduate school. I don’t know what field you want to take up. I was hoping myself and, knowing you so well, I, I know that in the psychiatric field, the field of mental health, I feel that’s your field, but, of course, that’s up to you. I mean, even if you wanted---you decided to become a teacher, or, or whatever you’d want, I’d, I’d be fine with me as long as the decision is made after very careful consideration from you, and not a split-second thing. You know what I mean, dear, I, I don’t have to go into it, but I, I do want to, to—in the near future to be able to go out and do the type of work that you want to do, where you won’t have to be dependent on anybody for your financial wellbeing, that, that you’ll be able to do the things you want to do because you’ll be able to earn the money to do them. And this, this is something that everyone has to face, especially boys like you. I mean, you know, we’re just working people, your parents, and were getting older, dear, and its—we have enough put away for a little while, dear, but if there’s nothing coming in, why, that, that would disappear so quick that, that—it would just set us back on our heels. See—I mean, about the, you know, going to school and all, and—yeah, you know the way I am, dear, I don’t expect you to be Number One Student or anything like that, ‘cause we both know it’s—might be meaningless, but, the marks should be high enough, dear, that you could get into graduate school, the graduate school that you want to go to and not something that—not a school that you might not be very happy in, because if you got marks good enough, then you have a choice, otherwise you don’t have a choice. It’s like that—life itself when you are on your own: the fellow who’s prepared, who can do things, or who can do one thing very well, he has a choice. | 7:18 | |
| The people who aren’t prepared, they don’t have a choice, really and truly. They just do what’s offered to them, and what’s offered to them is a small choice; but if you do have your degree and do have your knowledge, and I know you have the capability to do anything that you really want to do, and it might seem like a big sacrifice right now, but these years pass so quickly, dear. They pass, they’re the quickest part of your life, and you, you’ve got to utilize them now, dear. That—that’s why, with these outside school activities that take up so much of your time, dear, I feel that you’re making too great a sacrifice for what is involved in them, and if you—you would benefit yourself and benefit society—benefit everyone if you spent—if you cut out these activities, even if you cut them out completely and concentrated on school work and licked this problem with writing that I, I feel you would be much happier and relaxed and you would get much more out of life, dear, because, these things, these issues and stuff [end of Side One]. | 10:26 | |
| [Side Two] | ||
| Well, I finally got the spool in place. It took me a good twenty minutes and I’m running the film the other way. I hope I’m doing it right and I hope that everything turns out good with this tape. It’s one of the very few I’ve made, and I, I’ve made one so long ago I don’t remember exactly all the mechanics of it. | 12:07 | |
| Well, dear, I’m afraid I lost a train of thought. I was talking about it—what I was talking about before the tape ran out, but, believe me dear, everything that I said about—everything that I—I don’t know how it will sound to you, dear, but this is the way people live, dear. And, don’t, don’t lose the precious years, darling, because they might—they might seem to be very fruitful and worthwhile to you, and later on you’ll, you’ll wish that you did something else, maybe. I, I don’t know, dear. I’m just going from my own experience. And, I know myself: I’m very, very bitter about all the years I spent doing s—one thing when I should have been doing something else, and maybe it applies to you too. I don’t know, sweetheart, but I mean, there—there’s still a few fundamental things that don’t change no matter what, when, where, or how. Everybody’s got to be prepared, dear. Remember the good ol’ boy scout motto. The—there—there’s a lot of—the, this is the true—this is really the truth, and I know you’re sensible, dear, and I know that you can think things out. The main thing, dear, is that sometimes you get so involved that—you get so tensed up—that reality might sometimes escape you, dear, and then the end of the term comes and you might be disappointed in the marks and lots of other things, dear. | ||
| So, please, dear—couple of main things, even if I have to repeat myself, which I don’t like to do, but under these circumstances I forget what I said a few minutes ago about your writing, about cutting down or cutting out the outside activities, and about preparing yourself to go to a graduate school be—because I feel this is the type of life that you should lead, and if you think about it calmly and clearly, you’ll see that its really and truly a good life, no matter what profession you choose, dear, whether it be teaching or mental health or anything that you desire, but I, I want you to have a meaningful life, darling. You, you know that. | ||
| You know that I, I’m not the—we’re not the kind of people that want our sons to make a million dollars in three years or anything else. But I would like to know that my son is financially independent, or will be when he gets out of school—that he’ll be able to stand on his own two feet and make his own decisions, because, otherwise, any decision you make isn’t really your own. I think I went into that. | 15:23 | |
| Oh, no look, dear, about these tapes. I know that I, I must be [unsure: (0:16:05)] or rub you the wrong way, but—maybe face-to-face if we were talking it would sound better—but, that tape you sent us, dear: I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you have the whole—or I would say 85% of your term report for that, that teacher that taught you that course and didn’t give you a mark. And I was wondering, if it’s alright with you dear—and I’m not going to do anything until I hear from you—if we type that information up that you gave us, and we put it down and type it up neatly, and if we mail it to you—you might have to add a few finishing touches on it—and then if you mail it to the—that teacher in New York, who, who promised if you sent him a report he’d give you a remark—a—would give you a mark for that course, that, I feel that a good bargain like this should not be missed, but I won’t do anything, or I won’t let your mother do anything unless you say so because—I mean more than anything else, dear, I don’t want to upset you about anything. I don’t want you—I don’t want you to feel that I’m prying into your affairs that don’t bother me, and this, incidentally, is—I feel that this is not justified by reality either. I feel that this is all part of this business about writing. | ||
| And, I feel it will all be cleared up, but this one thing about the report: its such, such a wonderful offer that I hate to see it lost, because I know you’re going to be very busy, and you’re going right back to school, and you may not have time to, to type up the report or organize it or anything else; but, from the tape itself—I mean there’s so much in it I, I—like I said, it’s nine—ninety percent of the report that you would make is right on that tape, and all we have to do is play the tape and have your mother type it up and correct the spelling, and I could send you the paper or—if you want—and you could put your name on it or add a little bit to it and be done with the damn thing and you get the term’s credit for work that you did. And, again, we come to this nutty thing about writing reports, and I think if you let us help you this way, dear—I mean, I’d—but please don’t be upset about it. I mean, please don’t be angry because I suggested it. It was only because it was such a good offer. It was such a nice offer I thought perhaps that this would be a wonderful thing for us to do. So, that’s up to you, dear, if you—if you feel that we should do it, please let us know in your next communication, and please, darling, try to write to us. It’s better than the tape. I know the tape is wonderful but I want to see for myself that you are able to write to us, dear, ‘cause I—then I can go back and reread it and reread it and, you know, it’s better. It’s a better record than a tape, but of course that’s only a tiny, little detail. | 17:46 | |
| Well, I still got just a few more minutes so I’m going to tell you a few things that happened. I got a request to come in for an examination for that teaching job that I told you about. I’m still not sure whether it would be a good thing or a bad thing for me, but I know it would be a lot easier work, although a lot less money. I, I don’t know whether I should take it or not, but I don’t know if I’m going to take it. I’ll know better after December the thirteenth when I take my examination on it. And, this has been the big thing, you know, with us, and then Bobby’s wedding is coming up. Otherwise everybody is alright, dear. Your mother and I talked it over and we both—we consoled ourselves that, that you’re not coming up. It’s, it’s going to be rough, and, like I said at first, I was preparing in my mind how to tell you the things that I told you on this tape. And I was putting it off until I would see you and talk to you face-to-face, but if I’m—won’t be able to do it in time—I do wish that, dear, that you think about what I told you. Think about it calmly and objectively, and know that whatever I tell you its from love, dear, and not—it might sound like nagging to you, dear, but believe me it isn’t, dear. It, it never was, dear—not, not never, but I know about relationship between parents and children and sometimes the best intentions go sour because the parent know or the child doesn’t know and then there’s a lot of conflict and turmoil which shouldn’t be. I love you, darling, and I going to sign off in just a minute, and I’m trying to think of something to say. Okay, darling. So I, I’ll, I’ll really sign off—there’s a few more feet on the tape but I, I don’t know exactly what to tell you. Now, I’ll know what to tell you as soon as I finish the tape and all, all the space is used up. Then I’ll think of a hundred things that I want to talk to you about. | 19:54 | |
| But things are going along smoothly, dear. This old shop where I’m working, now they had a big layoff there, and strangely enough, they kept me on, and some of the men that were there when I quit the last time, they laid them off and kept me, so this is—along with the teacher’s job coming up, its got me in a little bit of a perplexity. I don’t know whether I’d be doing a wise thing or a foolish thing by taking a teacher’s job because, if I work for about seven months a year, I make just as much as if I worked at this school system for ten months. See? So, so these are the things I got to figure out, and what’s—you know, what’s the best thing for me physically, health wi—[cuts off] | 22:51 | |
| Larry Rubin: Robert E. Lee, who is the mayor of Leesburg. Whose family has been here for generations. That who has robbed and stoled his land from Negroes. Who has exploited the people of Lee County tremendously. Lee County is his county. The niggers here are his niggers. We’re trying to change all that. We’re in real-backwoods country. We’re not riding on a road but on a—well its like a dirt road [sound of car horn—double honk]. There’s chickens in the road. We just honked the horn at a chicken. I don’t know whether you heard the honking horn. Cows walking by. Hogs. Just passed a big hog lying on a [stish? (0:25:10)] over by the side of the road. Surrounded by poverty. And houses that we’re—that we’re passing and looking at are—must have been here—must have been the old slave quarters on a slave plantation owned by Robert Lee’s grandfather. Still being lived in. We’ll were working to change all that now. Mama don’t—hasn’t stopped talking about that conversation she had with you. She giggles and says, “you mom and I had a fine conversation, Larry. She must have repeated word-for-word everything you must’ve said in the las—about [end tape]. (0:26:04) | 23:52 |
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